


Something in the way she moves

by regardezvouz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben Solo is a Very Good Boyfriend, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Give Poe Dameron the Rom Com Lead He Deserves, Intense focus placed on one's lover's hands, M/M, My First Fanfic, One Shot, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey and Leia would absolutely do ABBA karaoke together this is cannon in my head, This is my first time writing fiction of any kind in many years, This is straight up MUSHY, alcohol consumption, in which the author dips her toe into the forbidden fruit of fanfiction for the first time, in which the author poorly describes New York City, in which the title references a Beatles song that referenced a James Taylor song, in which the vibes are more important than the plot, probably too much alcohol consumption, references to marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regardezvouz/pseuds/regardezvouz
Summary: Ben is completely enamored with his girlfriend on her birthday, and he doesn't care who knows it. A glimpse into devoted Reylo's present and past as they settle into not-so-domestic life.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	Something in the way she moves

**NOW**

He knew her wholly. It seemed almost to be a condition of the “soulmate” label.

This label resided solely in his mind as he had no reason to voice it aloud, as it all seemed too esoteric in literal meaning. A soulmate being defined as a “person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity,” didn’t quite fit what they were. Colloquially, it failed to encompass the gravity and complexity of the situation that is his relationship with Rey.

He couldn’t sum up what they were in a way that is up to scratch for his poetic standards. Instead, he allows their bond to linger between them in a palpable way that remains understood in their hearts and minds if unable to always be properly articulated by his clumsy tongue.

He’s watching her now as she works her cozy corner of the run-down bar, sitting atop a worn, overstuffed vinyl cushion that’s likely older than her newly minted age of 24. It’s like she’s taken center stage and he’s a humble voyeur.

Her small congregation of friends and acquaintances that belong to both of them equally these days are taken with the words and gestures coming out of her at an exceedingly rapid pace as the cocktails continue to flow at this impromptu afterparty.

However, none of the others are as taken as he apparently is as his own blood alcohol content rises and lowers the inhibitions that would usually prevent him from stealing glances that last longer than socially acceptable at the slope of her neck and the loose lock of hair framing her jaw. He may also be taking account of the flex of her biceps as she leans her elbows on the table before reaching out again to punctuate her tale. He’s most certainly more than just distracted by the stain of dark red wine residing on her lips from dinner.

_Where was he again?_

Right. Being a voyeuristic, sentimental, almost-comfortably-drunk-but-not-quite sap about his girlfriend as they celebrate her birthday and he gets all misty eyed at the milestone.

He was never one for celebrating his own birthday or seeing it as an event worthy of self reflection in the unhappier years of his past. Now, in a burst of emotion that made his chest tighten in a way that he’s only allowed himself to become comfortable with over the last three years, he knows that he’s looking into his future.

He knows his future’s fierce hazel eyes all too well as they dart up to meet his where he stands slightly taller than the average height of the crowd near the bar.

This little acknowledgement lets him know that she knew exactly where he was this entire time, physically if not also mentally. He does wonder sometimes if she’s aware of the section of his mind that’s dedicated to her always, no matter the appropriateness of that at any given time.

She must know how heavily she occupies his thoughts to some degree, but even still in this established stage of their ever blooming relationship he is unsure of the impact it would have on her to know the truth of his infatuation with her.

**THEN**

_Are you absolutely sure this is necessary?” Ben all but pleaded with Poe to see the potentially grave error in the decision he was making to drive a car into Manhattan on a Thursday night. Even worse-- to drive Ben’s car all the way to Madison Square Garden on a Thursday night._

_They had been going over some last minute emails at Ben’s flat in Brooklyn so that they, and the rest of the office, could take Friday off for a long weekend. Poe was constantly championing for him to relax and abandon the workaholic tendencies that have caused him to spiral in the past. Ben thought he was already giving a mile to the inch by agreeing to shut down on a week day to grant the employees of their quaint office some earned TLC after a successful project._

_Since leaving his strenuous position under Snoke and starting up his own company, he faced the looming threat that he would eventually fail and succumb to the favored prophecies of that bitter old fuck entailing him unable to function without heavy guidance. This scare tactic concocted by his own brain was enough to grant him his own masochistic prison sentence and chain him to his desk for too many late nights._

_While he never claimed to be a social butterfly before the fact, he certainly didn’t have time for maintaining acquaintanceships over the last few years. So, in his mind, he really did owe Poe for being an integral part in finding his footing in the tech industry under his own name._

_He also yanked his head out of the sand at times to remind him that he’s a 30-year-old man and there may be more to life than a corner office. And for tonight’s activities, being loyal to Poe meant chasing his new boyfriend Finn all the way to Madison Square Garden like idiots. “_

_I already told you that I didn’t want Finn and his roommate hauling themselves back to Brooklyn when the show ends, especially considering that they’re probably too drunk to behave on the train,” Poe said. “_

_I know. And I offered to get us a cab to go meet them, but you’re insisting on driving,” Ben put up a weak argument while internally resigning to the fact that Poe was going to get his way as he often does._

_The man in question was now backing Ben’s SUV out of his designated parking spot in the garage. Driving wasn’t always the most reasonable mode of transportation around New York City, and Ben really only used his car for trips extending outside of the city._

_“Ben, I can’t even remember the last time I drove a car. This is extremely exciting for me,” Poe deadpanned in his direction as they made their way to the venue._

_He looked slightly nervous as he continued, the root of his motives becoming more apparent as he continued to explain himself. “_

_Also, I’m really into Finn and want to impress him because he’s always doing the heavy lifting, emotionally. I kind of need to corner the market on the ‘grand gestures’ part of the relationship if I want to keep up.”_

_Ben had a hard time believing that Finn is any less infatuated with Poe than the latter is with the former. However, he doesn’t feel qualified enough in real intimacy and long term relationships to do anything other than offer up half assed reassurance._

_“I’m sure Finn will find this over the top and completely charming, Poe,” Ben refrained from rolling his eyes with the statement._

_Poe was hardly dysfunctional when it came to romance, so this was the first time Ben is seeing him at anything less than overly confident or dodging texts from individuals dying to be with him. The juxtaposition only leads Ben to believe that he’s serious about this relationship._

_His poor attempts at advice in Poe’s past escapades was limited to, “You could just say you’re moving to Toronto and block his number,” or “I can’t tell her you’re visiting your parents without a conveniently forgotten cell phone every time she calls, dude,” and he doesn’t think that will cut it when his childhood friend is trying to nurture a mature relationship for once._

_Ben finally sighed, “I don’t think you have to do all of this to impress Finn, but it’s a nice gesture I suppose.”_

_Poe pretended not to be beaming from the driver’s seat, “Is that… Ben Solo believing in the beautiful beacon of love? I never thought I’d see the day!”_

_This teasing basically continued until they’d finally made it to their destination after a devastating amount of time spent bickering like an elderly married couple about traffic and Poe’s abysmal driving skills._

_Poe’s phone was dialing Finn’s number while the device rested in Ben’s own palm after one exclamation of “Fuck! Hands on the wheel!” when Poe became a bit too relaxed of a driver and narrowly missed taking down a biker in the turn lane. “_

_Hiiii,” a disembodied voice finally answered through the phone’s speaker. A voice that was surprisingly female._

_“Rey! Is that you!? Where’s Finn?” Ben knew all too well that Poe doesn’t know how to use his inside voice when utilizing speaker phone and braced himself for what would become the loudest conversation he’s heard all week between his dear friend and the woman who picked up Finn’s phone._

_“Hello, yes,” the elusive “Rey” paused to laugh into the phone before saying something incoherent to someone presumably on the sidewalk with her. “_

_I’m sorry, these two teenage girls were trying to hit on Finn--I can’t wait to catch you up on everything that happened this evening. I think we were some of the oldest people at the show even though we were hardly permitted into the bar,” the woman continued with an accented hoarse voice that Ben could only guess would get heavier as the night dragged on._

_He liked the sound of her voice, slightly deeper and scratchier than what he presumed is her usual state, like she had been singing or laughing loudly all night. He hadn’t even laid eyes on her, but she seemed so alive and vibrant through the speaker while recanting what they’d gotten up to._

_Poe only cringed slightly at the prospect of underage girls attempting to flirt with his boyfriend._

_“Ohh nooo,” Poe dragged out in exasperation, “Did you two make it out alright? Where can we find you?”_

_"_ _I think I see you! We’ll come to you,” she exclaimed._

_Poe had sent a group text to Finn and “Rey” apparently with the make and model of Ben’s car, so that they could be on the lookout as the surrounding streets flooded with concertgoers._

_“Don’t worry, I’ve got a handle on Finn now,” the disembodied beautiful voice spoke again._

_The call dropped, and a few minutes later there was a quick rap on the passenger’s seat window where Ben was met with the sight of a petite woman and kohl rimmed hazel eyes. Her slightly flushed face would have been inappropriately close to his for two people who are acquainted only in reputation if not for the thin pane of tinted glass separating them._

_The woman, Rey he assumed, changed courses after brightly gesturing hello to the two occupants of the car._

_Ben finally laid eyes on Finn as he was being escorted along in her wake by the hand connected to Rey’s slender arm and shoulders, all left bare by the scarce straps of her top. Those hands look so small while digging into the sleeve of Finn’s shirt._

_He thinks about how dwarfed they would be by his own. Why was he thinking so much about her hands?_

_He thought that people his age interested in women generally focus on other assets. While he’s always seen himself as a member of that group too, he mostly felt like an outside observer watching people fall all over themselves for romantic prospects and unrequited crushes._

_Now, here he is thinking of a woman’s hands with the rapt attention of a lovestruck teenager. A woman who he had only heard of in passing and assumed to be a male roommate of Finn’s up until this evening._

_She seems so young and charming from the miniscule impression he’s been granted so far. Even on a surface level, he felt like she would live in daydreams with him where he would have no hope of keeping up there either._

_Poe was settling down and reverting back into a now natural, albeit uncharacteristic, doting boyfriend role once he saw that Finn was still in one piece._

_Rey clamored into the backseat with her charge in tow, looking every bit the role of a frazzled single mother at the supermarket if it weren’t for her silky top and noticeably tight jeans that told a different story._

_Ben couldn’t help but put the mild concerns for his friend to the back of his mind as he dwelled on the “single” aspect of the analogy he’d just applied to Rey. He had no desire to home wreck… maybe just to test the foundation of the home if necessary._

_“I cannot believe those children were bold enough to ask for my ‘Insta’ handle,” Finn exasperated as he shut the backseat door behind them with a quickness, drowning out the sounds of the street. “_

_They cited that he was dressed, ‘just like Harry Styles’,” Rey clarified towards the front seats of the car as she strapped herself into the seat._

_Ben only noticed how melodic he found her regular voice when she dropped it to parrot back what the girls had said in a higher pitched American accent._

_"_ _And I’m like, ‘What does that even mean?’ Because if everyone in a fun patterned short sleeve button down looks like Harry Styles for these girls, they’re in for disappointment,” Finn continued his case against the teenagers who had accosted him and placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder in a nonverbal greeting._

_“Hello, by the way, I’m Rey,” she had leaned in and craned her neck to look Ben in the face._

Oh shit, she was talking directly to him.

_When she gave him a bashful smile that was only for him, he felt nervous enough to back away from the cliff’s edge but, upon second assessment of the feeling in his stomach, comforted enough to revel in the view in front of him instead. “_

_Hi,” he finally forced his vocal chords to work, “I’m Ben.”_

_“Nice to meet you.”_

**NOW**

After a surprise birthday dinner with his parents, Rose, Kaydel, and the newly engaged duo that is Finn and Poe, the guest of honor insisted they go for a “pub crawl,” to which the merrily buzzed ragtag group of guests with no other Saturday night plans obliged.

While his post-dinner plans included proclamations of love that are only appropriate to take place in the walls of their own apartment with far less clothing than was currently present, he had to admit that this evening had been the most fun he’s ever had in a bar.

Apparently his girl of many talents also knows how to keep a last minute after party so lively that no one cares to check the time. He thinks that watching her steal Han and Leia away into, not one, but two separate photo booths over the course of the evening was as much of a gift to him as the night out he orchestrated was to her.

Judging by the sound of his father’s raucous laughter that emanated from behind the curtain and the way that Leia was doting on Rey and tucking their photo prints away in her purse for safe-keeping, he knew she had somehow wedged her way even further into the hearts of his small family tonight.

His parents had already proved that they can hold their own with this particular crowd of twenty-to-thirty-somethings at an infamous holiday party hosted at the townhouse he grew up in, but he felt like he was currently observing the couple that he’d only previously known as characters in one of Uncle Chewie’s stories from the East Village in the ‘70s.

Han seems close to getting his surrogate, and possibly favorite, child up onto the dingy stage for karaoke that has yet to start. Han and Rey were on the precipice of giving an off-key, if not heartfelt, duet of some vintage ballad that could put Don Henley and Stevie Nicks at risk of being dethroned.

Meanwhile, it was Leia who sent him after the most recent round of drinks currently holding himself and Poe up on the mezzanine.

“Ben!” Poe’s voice yanked him from his musings in time to assist with the glasses his friend was juggling.

“What’s the hold up?” A sly hand slips into the crook of his elbow as the subject of his thoughts yanks him down ungracefully to plant a kiss on his cheek.

Rey was now standing in front of him as a product of whatever magnetic force that causes them to drift together even when physically apart. This move was impressive as she managed to make her way across the room in one of the rare moments where his attention wasn’t entirely on her, though social pretense begged him to pretend otherwise.

“Do you need a hand?” she turned inquisitively towards Poe while absentmindedly rubbing Ben’s bicep affectionately.

Poe’s response, likely denying help in favor of launching into a tale of the stranger-than-fiction encounter with the bartender, was completely lost to him as his girlfriend’s newfound proximity to his body began to occupy his brain that was spewing thoughts considered much more juvenile now.

He has a feeling that, even if he were much more sexually seasoned than he was in reality when they met, he would still be losing his head at every intimate touch she graces him with. Grounded back in reality, he feels her shaking with laughter as her attention is still turned to whatever mini odysseyian adventure Poe managed to find himself in the middle of while making a complex drink order at the bar while Ben was in his own Rey centered world at his side.

Rey’s sharp little elbow sends a nudge into his stomach and she half turns towards him to share an eye roll at one of the more outlandish details of Poe’s story for which Ben experienced firsthand and couldn’t recall a thing about.

This is one of the things he loves most. The intimacy of loving and being loved is not something he thought he’d ever be open to at darker times in his life. Then, he felt uncertain he was worthy of something pure and unable to understand the complexities of someone else in a way that left him deserving of reciprocation.

He is privileged to know her quirks and tells. He knows now that he wants nothing more than to dedicate his life to memorizing what every miniscule twitch of muscle in pleasure and annoyance means. He wants to spend ample time encouraging and remedying those feelings, respectively, as well.

He can tell when Rey’s entirely engaged in a social setting or lost in her own thoughts, sometimes leaving him to be a love struck observer of her own ways. He also feels the gravitational pull that he’s grown to understand is mutual.

While both of them were admittedly a bit clueless at first, perceiving themselves respectively to be fumbling and unable to express a positive intimate emotion properly, they eventually hit this current stride where it’s understood that they can’t go to bed angry or confused with the other like they were heeding the advice of some older married couple from a Match.com testimonial.

He remembers being lovestruck and so scared of doing something to fuck it all up in the beginning. He knows how to handle it all now. He knows her, and she’s granted him the same terrifying privilege of knowing him.

All of this has led to the vantage point he’s seeing her face from now as she rests comfortably in his arms and her eyelashes fan over the freckled tops of her cheeks that are currently splashed with a flush from her indulgence of drink this evening.

**THEN**

_I_ _f he thought he was a goner the first time they spoke, it was nothing compared to experiencing the softness in his chest when he was treated to the sight of her eyelids fluttering open first thing in the morning._

_She slept like the dead, at least when she spent the night at his apartment, but he was always impressed by the speed she could transition from deep sleep to complete awareness._

_This movement of her lashes rustling, signifying that those big eyes would soon appear for him was the only thing preceding her delicate hand giving his chest a shove that’s decidedly not delicate and muttering, “Creep,” into the pillow before being unable to hold back her nose-wrinkling, wide smile anymore._

_Ben shared a subdued laugh with her like they were both being respectful of the still, Sunday morning air that wrapped around them and hooked an arm around her waist to pull her completely face to face with him from where she had been sleeping on her stomach._

_For a moment they were completely aligned, her face tilted up to meet his while their chests, hips and thighs pressed together intimately before she tangled their legs together and knotted their fingers._

_His bottom arm was tucked neatly between the curve of her waist and the bed and he knew he would lose feeling in it if they stayed like this for long, but he could hardly care when one of her thighs was hitched up around his waist while her free hand rubbed the newly formed stubble on his cheek._

_“Hi,” she kissed his nose and he remedied that by darting one hand to the back of her neck and sealing their lips together before she got the wild notion to stop crowding his space._

_He deepened their embrace as she groaned and endearingly wrapped a small fist into the fabric of his sweats, intending to rid him of them until he distracted her by planting two firm hands encircling her waist and lifting her to sit atop his lap while they never broke the kiss._

_When they finally came up for air, her bare legs were wrapped around his torso while he sat up, still holding her tightly against his body and their faces only an inch apart._

_“Hi, my feral girl,” he replied. “_

_That was cheeky, even for you.” “_

_I’ll show you ‘cheeky.’”_

_As they spent the day entangled in each other repeatedly until sunset, he tried to be entirely in the moment and not dwell on what was or wasn’t next. They had only known each other for a few months, and even more recently finally fallen into bed together._

_She’s confided in Ben how she’s never been allowed to want more in life, and now his desires are consumed by wanting her to want more. He wants Rey to be gluttonous when it comes to him, to allow him to love her and feel things in return._

_He’d never push her, but he knows he’ll be there to break her fall if she pushes herself. He’s just doing the best he can to not let it slip too soon that he’s irreversibly in love with every cautious move she makes in their budding friendship and relationship._

**NOW**

Poe’s attention is turned back to the bar to deal with the last of the grocery list of items he had made to the chagrin of the overworked bartender and Rey lifts her head finally to grant him a generous look into her eyes.

“I am devastatingly,” Rey punctuates the middle of her sentence with a kiss that’s far too chaste for his liking as he’s been lost in thought about how absolutely gone and in love with her he is, “serious about doing karaoke with your mum. We’re leaning towards ABBA right now, but there is room for negotiation if you make a quick enough argument?”

As she finishes her declaration disguised as a question, he takes in the crease between her brow and the finalizing poke to the center of his chest that lets him know that she actually is devastatingly serious and she won’t have him standing in her way. As if he would ever try.

“Of course, my love,” he says in a mock patronizing tone to get more of a rise out of her.

Rey wrinkles her nose in annoyance with a smile still gracing her mouth before he grants her a sly wink meant only for the two of them and swoops to capture that smile under his mouth.

He was well on his way to obtaining the less-than-chaste kiss that should be reserved for the cab home he yearned for minutes ago when Poe unceremoniously snags their attention again by placing glasses with owners yet to be determined in each of their empty hands.

“I’m sorry, did I hear that Rey and mother Leia were even thinking of performing an ABBA number without little ol’ me?” Poe asks in sincerity.

Rey sent a scoff in Poe’s direction as they all trudged back through the masses lingering around the bar together.

Ben was tucking Rey under his free arm as he juggled the two vodka tonics he’d been assigned in one hand when she replied, “Are you kidding? I’m trying to imagine any ABBA performance with less than three people, and I might just be struggling with that because of the amount of time I’ve spent with Mamma Mia on the brain--” she breaks off to hiccup, “or maybe because I’m drunk.”

“That third part has your name on it considering our other option would be dragging Ben up there somehow,” she concluded.

“Rey, I’m honestly having a hard time seeing Ben denying you something as simple as a little karaoke performance,” Poe said as he pushed through another group of inconveniently placed college kids that are probably barely legal to be in this morally grey establishment.

Poe continued his teasing as they reached their table and set down their armloads of miscellaneous goods, “He’s probably just thanking God that you haven’t asked for the moon yet so that he doesn’t have to privately fund a research expedition into obtaining it for you.”

Ben rolled his eyes, but didn’t make a move to deny the statement as Rey levelled him with a heated expression. Behind all the playfulness of the moment, he knew she was thinking of the times before they honed communication skills they now treasured. Accepting acts of service as Ben’s love language had been an uphill battle for her.

**THEN**

_“Ben, I just… I feel so uncomfortable if I feel like I have to rely on you for something as simple as dinner all the time,” Rey said, finally spitting out the true reason behind why she was suddenly making a weak case for why she needed to return home that evening when they had spent the previous three completely wrapped up in the sheets and each other._

_He spent far too much of his average day now wondering when would be the opportune time to ask her to just move in under the guise of convenience. The real reason being that he was head over heels in love with her and unable to signal that to his mouth from his brain because of lingering insecurity and anxiety that might manage to eat him alive if he wasn’t wrapped in her arms frequently enough._

_At first he had wanted to bite back, wanted to give into the disagreement that had seemed meaningless to him before he pinpointed the real issue._

_“Rey, people that are dating often take each other out on dates,” he fired back without much real fire in his voice at all, “I thought that is something I could do for you tonight.”_

_“But you do it all the time. Insist on paying for everything.” “_

_I just wanted to take you out, alright?” Ben called after her as she calmly, but swiftly made her way to his bedroom._

_He couldn’t help but notice she had left her shoes on when her previous habit over the last four months was to abandon them at the door at his place. She seemed strongly in favor of sliding around the hardwood of his loft on socked feet._

_He remembered as she made it to the threshold of his room, the one he had unwittingly been calling “their” room in his head for weeks now, “You cooked for us last night! That’s far more thoughtful than me buying dinner. You’re my girlfriend, Rey. We’re in this together, and it’s okay for me to do something nice for you.”_

_She reached for a pair of her jeans abandoned on the armchair in his bedroom, “Oh please, my cooking skills are abysmal and we both know--” she stopped moving suddenly and swung back around, coming face to face (well, face to chest) with him as she didn’t realize how close he’d gotten during this rather sad excuse of a lover’s quarrel._

_“What did you just call me?”_

_Ben genuinely paled in dread for a moment as if he’d blacked out and said something hurtful to her with no memory of it seconds later. He’s had a penchant for being a real dickhead in his life, but he wanted to change that desperately. She told him once she liked him as he is, but she deserves everything. The unspoken vow from him to her was to always be kinder to everyone else, to be more like her._

_“'_ _Girlfriend,’” Rey mirrored back as she saw him stumbling, “You called me your girlfriend. I just-- How am I supposed to feel about all of this, Ben?”_

_Her brow was furrowed and her mouth was twisted in distress at the mere indication that he was claiming her informally in his own eyes._

Oh. Now he’s really done it.

 _He’s been calling her that in his head for we_ _eks, maybe even out loud to Poe once or twice without thinking. He’s sure that didn’t go unnoticed by him or Finn, but somehow the word itself had danced around the woman it labelled entirely._

_He seriously needs to stop admitting whispered thoughts to her while she clings to him as she doses off for a midday nap. But, he can’t help that every one of his synapses is on fire when she’s that close to him being criminally soft and trusting enough to fall asleep on him. It felt like she was choosing him all over when she did that._

_He figured now was the time, while she was already staring at him slack jawed and on edge, to drop another bomb. He should lay it all out for her if he was already going to end up begging her to stay, to give what he feels for her a chance to bloom._

_“_ _I love you.”_

_She clasped a hand to her mouth and looked genuinely in pain for a moment before the first tear fell. She turned away from him, and he was almost glad he didn’t have to see the sincerity in her eyes when she told him that she didn’t feel the same._

_What came next was a whisper, “I don’t know how to do any of this.”_

_The combination of the strain in her voice and the tears she now hid from him when he had been hell bent on letting her know she didn’t always have to be strong in front of him was cleaving his heart in half quicker than the rejection he knew was incoming._

_Part of him wished he hadn’t said anything so she could live in bliss without carrying guilt about having to reject him. A stronger part of him knew she deserved to know that someone loved her even if she couldn’t reciprocate._

_“I love you too,” Rey’s voice was so uncharacteristically meek as it bounced off the wall she was facing._

_He felt a twinge in his neck as his head snapped up from where it was staring at the floor, willing himself to not become a mess until she inevitably turned back around._

_Now he stood, holding his breath, partially hoping he would soon wake up from the cruel dream he had concocted for himself. Surely, he would startle soon enough in an empty bed accompanied only by his own sweat._

_No. She was facing him now and it felt all too real,_ _“And I don’t even have the decency to say it to your face because I feel so undeserving of it all.”_

_She had composed herself some in the few moments of silence they had allowed to linger, but seeing her face look so broken and laid bare with raw emotion was the final blow his heart could take today. He didn’t think twice before crossing the distance between them in one stride and folding her into his arms._

_She came willingly and buried her face in his chest while he cradled her head like something precious and stroked the back of her neck soothingly with his thumb._

_“Rey…” he didn’t know where to begin._

_“I know,” she still sounded defeated, but more like herself._

_“It hurts that you feel that way because it’s not true,” he struggled to find the right words as he usually did with her, “I always want to know how you’re feeling because...you’re not alone.”_

_She squeezed her arms tighter around his sides, “Neither are you.”_

**NOW**

“Girls, we’re UP!”

A flurry of motion surrounded Ben as Poe swooped a startled Rey and Leia with a smile that could only be described as “gung ho” into his orbit and towards the stage that looked to be one stiff breeze away from a collapse and subsequent lawsuit.

He watched as his girl was dragged farther away from him, but he didn’t mind or worry too much. As she and his mother whispered conspiratorially behind Poe’s back about something unbeknownst to him, he found himself grateful.

It was something he was accustomed to now, marveling at the fact that Rey was able to find her place in the world and how, in that place, she chose to be a part of his family and heal him in ways she would never fully understand.

Rey’s hair was swinging back and forth, swaying as she and Leia clung to each other as the first chords of ABBA’s “If It Wasn’t for the Nights” began to permeate the heavy air of the bar. Poe announced that he was going to single handedly revive disco tonight as he took the lead for the first verse.

Ben couldn’t help but smile at the state of his life.

One day he’ll put his finger on the exact words he wants to say to Rey, when he finally asks to have and to hold her as the force to be reckoned with in his life forever.

For now, he is content to bask in the glow of knowing someone’s heart and being known in return. He’s not afraid of it all anymore, and he’s not afraid of the affection from the people who have graciously loved him through his worst moments in life because of it.

There is some awareness deep down under years of constructive therapy that has worked wonders for his desire to self sabotage or destruct at times, having a great romantic love like this isn’t the answer to every obstacle in life.

But, fuck, if it doesn’t make it all worth while.

\- fin -

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading my very first attempt at writing fanfic! I haven't written fiction of any kind in many years, so it took an embarrassingly long time to get back into the swing of things for this short and sweet piece. Essentially, finally becoming a Reylo got me to step out of my creative comfort zone in an aggressive way and we ended up with some tooth rotting fluff. Who would've thought? I'm over on twitter @regardezvouz if anyone wants to chat!


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